Apparently I haven’t written in here since xanga switched over.

I’ve been having lots of dreams lately but not writing them down.
Here are some.

A while back I was lost in a huge train station then out near the tracks and they were all windy. Mike from work was there for some reason, but nothing really happened in the whole dream. Just, lost in a train station. Crowded.

The only reason I mention this is because I also had another train dream more recently, and it’s weird when symbols are reoccurring.

In another dream I was married to a woman and Lois Lane from Smallville was making out with my wife and I got pissed. Then Jeremy was there and he was also mad that my wife was cheating on me, I guess we were just friends in the dream.
Then we were driving down the road and a truck next to us kept getting too close and the side mirror was almost hitting me in the head.
I kept trying to push the mirror in and the woman in the truck kept pushing it out and her husband who was driving told her he was trying to keep them safe in a way that was sort of saying she was fucking up.

In another dream a couple nights ago I was walking on train tracks that were so high up in the sky I couldn’t see the earth. Then they turned into just random pipes and scaffolding and all kinds of other crazy things. And there were other people there. And I was afraid of falling but they weren’t as afraid.
Then Jeremy and I were being held captive by some people and they had specific outlandish wardrobes for us and I remember putting these two leather bracelet cuffs on and thinking something like, well if I’m a prisoner I guess I should look the part. And thought of them as handcuffs or restraints or something.

Last night I dreamt I had a son, but while I was still pregnant with him my stomach was somehow open in a very weird non-gory way, almost like my skin was like flower petals or something curved around him. And I was holding my stomach trying to keep him in there and then when he came out of my stomach he was like, four or five. And I asked him what he wanted his name to be and he said some name that starts with an M and told me it was from the Bible.
And I was wondering how I was going to tell Jeremy we had a son when I hadn’t told him I was pregnant.

 

I’ve been having so many crazy dreams lately.

 

Last night I dreamt that I was in Japan and travel didn’t work the way it does in real life now, and I knew that I’d probably never see my friends and family again because I was too far away from them.

 

Then I was in a flea market that was like one that I had visited in a dream years ago, and I asked them if I could buy a fossil that began with a C that I had bought in the flea market before in my other dream.

(Now that I’m looking it up in waking life I’m pretty sure I was asking for cephalopod fossils and more specifically ammonites. They were round just like that.) 

 

They said no, and I was disappointed, but they had lots of plants for sale so that was good.

 

I’ve had lots of other dreams lately that I should have been recording. My dreams are so weird. 

I had a dream the other night that I was on a cruise ship that ended up being in a storm or something, and I had to convince this guy on the outside of the ship to come inside so he wouldn’t die, then I was in a building where they told me to go to a certain area and they told me I’d be a prostitute but instead of selling sex I was basically just doing very g-rated things related to stuff like foot fetishes and other stuff that wasn’t a huge deal.

Then they told me to go get my hair wet so I had to go downstairs to do that, then I went back upstairs but couldn’t find the room I was in before, then I was in a hallway with some girl and a guy and I suddenly felt very faint and the guy told me he was going to steal my engagement ring and I got pissed as hell.

I told both of them that if they stole my engagement ring I’d kill them, regardless of my passed-out status and they better watch their asses. 

Also they wanted to work me as a regular hooker I think but I had already been approved as the “higher class” hooker who didn’t even have to have sex and just had to sit around looking pretty basically, either way I was so pissed off about them talking about stealing my engagement ring that I wasn’t even worried about being forced to have sex with anyone.

 

My dreams are so weird.

 

 

I dreamt that Jeremy and I were in an open relationship and I had just gotten done fooling around with some other guy. I’m not sure if we had sex or whatever, I don’t even remember really seeing the guy in the dream.

 

But then I was laying there on a bed and Jeremy was there and I was looking at him, and I had been honest with him about what just happened because we were in an open relationship. And I could see on his face that he wasn’t upset, but as I kept looking at him I loved him so much and I just started to feel like shit and asked myself why I would ever even want anyone else.

Then he came to me and hugged me and we were both acting like nothing was wrong but I felt AWFUL and just kept thinking about how much I love him and then I woke up because I was so upset.

 

 

I keep having the weirdest dreams lately.

 

The other day I dreamt that Jeremy and I had a baby daughter and we were waiting for a bus. When the bus came, he got on the bus and left without me. I was chasing the bus saying “Wait for me! Wait for me!” and it just drove away.

 

Last night I dreamt that we were walking through the city we lived in (a dream city, not our waking life city) and heading to our apartment.

He told me that he was going to rent a room for the night, just for himself.

I wondered why and he just rented it and spent the night there.

 

The next day I somehow found out he had called some sex phone line and was talking to them about ME, basically fantasizing over the phone with some other woman who wasn’t me. They were talking about me being a good mother and for some reason that was turning him on.

There was other stuff too that I can’t remember.

 

I was so upset with him that I couldn’t even talk, and he made fun of me for not being able to say why I was upset.

 

Ingrid was in the dream too, and she had pink hair like she did in high school and all I could think was that I hoped he didn’t see her since he likes girls with pink hair and I was already feeling really insecure.

 

 

I had a dream a few nights ago that Jeremy and I were driving through a war zone. He wanted to get out and walk around. I told him chances were that something way more awful would happen to me than to him if we got out of the car. He ended up running off somewhere and cheating on me with a black lady, the black lady made fun of my hair.

 

In a dream last night I was stuck in a tank with a killer whale at the zoo. For months. They kept saying they’d get me out but nobody did, so eventually I had a machete and I cut through some screens like on a screen door and I escaped.

 

 

In my first dream I was in a field and there were a bunch of spaceships doing training maneuvers there all of a sudden, and they hovered pointing straight up and the top of them was glass so you could see in, and I saw all the astronauts strapped in working on stuff, and it was SO COOL.

 

Then they parked and a bunch of people started hitting on me and I was like, seriously? Seriously? We can’t just enjoy how awesome these spaceships are?

 

 

Then in my next dream Jeremy gave me an engagement ring with a pink and blue star sapphire that you could somehow look into and see the colors all swirling together. It was really beautiful and not like anything that exists in real life, probably.

 

Then I was cutting my hair, then at the last minute I was like, why the fuck am I cutting my hair off right before I get married, then I woke up and was relieved it was just a dream. I guess I really want long hair when I get married.

 

 

Dream:

 

A girl was in a school run by nuns. She had killed another girl there or that was the story anyway. The girl who was murdered had been dead for a little while, at least a few months.

The girl who was thought to be her murderer was hiding in the school. 

She goes up a staircase and finds a flyer directed to her saying awful things about how she’s a murderer, she rips it off the wall and then goes to hide in the attic under a bunch of stuff.

 

Two nuns come up and search through the stuff looking for her, find her, one of them chains her feet together.

 

Suddenly Cillian Murphy shows up and is talking to the girl and they end up kissing and he helps her escape by bringing her a rope to climb down the outside of the building.

 

She climbs down and is running off when she sees a girl (played by Sarah Ramos in my dream, who I had to google just now because I only recognize her from the show Parenthood and don’t know anything about her) who she sold her black pickup truck to before she went into hiding. 

 

The girl tells her “I slept in the truck.” and she seems distraught. The girl who is running says “In the swamp?” and sees that the truck is ruined and smoking.

 

The girl who slept in the truck starts walking after the accused murderer talking to her, and then suddenly she looks down and says “Oh, look at this…it’s…” and names off three or four people who apparently had been murdered and hidden in the swamp.

She says “Imagine that, the people I love the most and wanted close to me have been here this whole time.” 

 

So I assume that was why she was distraught and acting crazy, sleeping in the swamp and not freaking the fuck out when she found the bodies or anything. Maybe she was in shock.

 

 

The girl who is accused of murder thinks about that and realizes that the search team when they realize she’s missing will start looking for her as far away as she could have gotten, realizes she should hide closer to the school and starts climbing a tree in the swamp.

 

Then I woke up.

 

 

The other day in waking life Jeremy and I got into a huge disagreement where I bawled for a million years and then we didn’t really talk for two days, then he apologized and all was well in the world. Except for in my subconscious, because after he apologized I dreamt that he broke up with me. 

In the dream he told me he wasn’t in love with me, and he told it to me in a very casual way, and then we were basically over.

 

I think this was my subconscious being like oh that’s cool that he apologized, but remember how you felt when you were disagreeing. Because I seriously felt like he’d just leave me on the slightest whim.

 

 

 

Then last night I dreamt that I was talking to Mona for the first time in years, and she was hanging out with a bunch of trashy people and she was on parole, and she was painting some art for her animals to look at. It was weird. Our conversation was sad and awkward and nostalgic. 

I felt sad about where her life had taken her and the fact that we felt like strangers. 

 

 

Oh, and also sometime after Jeremy and I had our disagreement I ended up dreaming that I was being stalked / about to be attacked by a group of tigers.

I feel like I have a lot of tigers in my dreams lately but I could be wrong I guess.

 

Dreams.

 

First I dreamed that I was pregant. And I was absofuckinglutely terrified. And apparently Jeremy and I had talked and decided to keep it, then later in the pregnancy I’m standing there talking to a woman I know who is also pregnant and she says “Congratulations!” and I tell her I’m not sure if I’m at all excited about it, “but that ship has sailed.” meaning it’s too late for me to do anything other than have this baby.

 

Holy fuck that dream was so fucking scary. 

 

 

Then I had another dream. This dream started out relatively normal I guess. Then it went insane.

 

First, I’m viewing the dream like I’m not a part of it. It’s a city. It’s devoid of traffic which I don’t really think much of. Then there is a person who goes into a shop that has huge sculptures of diamonds. This person for some reason actually believes that the huge diamonds are real, and decides to steal one. I think the thief is a woman, but I can’t remember now. She grabs a huge sculpture of a diamond ring that has a white porcelain-looking band that’s shaped more like a donut than a ring, and she walks out of the store.

Then she’s walking away trying to avoid the shop owner / artist who is also a woman.

Then she goes into another building and shoves the sculpture into her bra. 

There are other people in this building and some kind of alarm has been sounded but there isn’t an actual alarm going off, it’s just everyone in the building is telling everyone else to find a room to stay put in. 

The thief takes advantage of this and moves through relatively easily and gets to the roof. There are two adults and a bunch of children on the roof. Suddenly the thief realizes that the corners of the roof slope down as though they’ve been weathered and haven’t been maintained. One of the adults is a man and he looks like Nicolas Cage but in the dream I did not think “Oh, that’s Nicolas Cage.”

Anyway, Nicolas Cage look-alike is telling the other adult how terrible it is that the roof is sloping, and why can’t we keep our children safe in this world, blah blah. The other adult is a woman and she’s just like, well, this is how the world is. 

And then one of the children starts playing around near the corner of the roof and the stairs leading back down, and Nic Cage is super frustrated and upset because it’s really dangerous and the kid is basically making fun of him for wanting them to be safe.

 

Then I’m on the street in the city, and I don’t think I’m seeing it from anyone else’s viewpoint anymore. 

I see a couple of people walking and they look really scary, all pierced and tattooed and dressed crazy and they just have really scary facial expressions.

I start walking toward them because there are no other people on the streets and I want to know why, 

and suddenly they’re like “Get in there!” and we’re trying to get in a doorway that’s only a few feet away from us and there’s this huge black guy coming toward them sort of just slowly walking but he’s huge and makes huge strides and he’s purposeful and it’s creepy. 

I somehow get in the building and the guy kills one of the people who are right outside the door, then goes off somewhere, and the other person outside the door is crying because their friend is dead.

 

Then there’s a person inside the building, some guy, who tells me “Come back here, come on.” and we climb up onto these rickety fucking slats that are laid across a room a few feet down from the ceiling, and this puts us pretty much at fucking eye level with crazy terminator guy, only he’s still outside. 

And I was like “How is this safe?”

and he says “As long as you don’t move at all he won’t get you.”

 

And I said something like well it would be easier not to move if you had a safer place to hide, and I climb up higher and realize there’s a loft area of this building that’s mostly just beams covered in pallets but I know you could put more material down and make it into a proper floor and since you have to climb to get up there it has to be safer.

He says it’s a good idea and a bunch of other young people show up because this is like their base, and they agree it’s a good idea and we’re walking around,

then I open a door on one side of the roof and realize it leads to a greenhouse with a tile floor and a bunch of plants, and there’s a guy laying on the floor. The young people don’t seem too surprised to see him although he’s clearly been laying there a while and one of them gives him water. He doesn’t say anything.

Somehow in the dream I know he ends up becoming Bishop from Aliens later on in his life, which makes no sense, but I knew that when I looked at him.

The reason he was laying on the floor was because he was afraid of the terminator guy and he just laid down and stopped moving. 

 

 

Then the group of people and I left the building, I think the guy who was in the greenhouse probably stayed.

We went across the street to an empty clothing store or something, and a bunch of people started putting white paint on their faces just for fun, then all of a sudden it was like “The terminator is coming!” (although I don’t think they actually called him that in the dream, there was no real name for him.) 

The people with white face paint decided to pretend to be mannequins in the window because he was so close already and could kill them.

The rest of us ran into the back of the room and all started laying against the wall on the floor under the dressing rooms that were all only separated by curtains. So I could look down the wall and see everyone all laying there still except this one guy right in front of me was fucking talking, 

and suddenly the terminator guy zooms his face down right into the guy’s face and hits him on the head just a little bit, the guy stops talking or moving,

and then the terminator guy starts growling and I know he’s trying to get someone to move out of fear so he can find them and kill them.

 

And I was so freaked out I woke up at that point. Fuck that shit.

 

 

My mom was saying all kinds of horrible shit to me.

She was telling me I’m probably bipolar, which I immediately shot down and I was like “If anyone is bipolar, you are.”

 

She starts telling me how horrible I am and she’s being snide and giving me some awful face.

 

I stayed completely calm and finally said “I am so glad you make it so easy for me to cut you out of my life. I sometimes want to give you a chance, but then you say shit like this every time, and I just remember how abusive and awful you are. You make it easy for me to never want to see your face or hear a word you have to say ever again.”

 

And she got really freaked out and started acting like she wanted to beg me to give her another chance, but even then she couldn’t really bring herself to apologize.

 

 

It was weird, this is probably the most realistic dream I’ve had ever. 

There wasn’t really anything about it that wouldn’t have happened in waking life.